Fractured Memories
by Bensidylove17
Summary: Olivia wakes up in a hospital bed after an accident at a crime scene, unsure of how she got there. But that's not the only thing she's confused about. Set in Season 13. BENSIDY.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story takes place halfway through Season 13, so Nick & Amanda are here and Elliot's gone. David Haden is in the picture too. I've changed history a little and had Olivia and Brian have more than just a one might stand in season 1. No one actually knows they dated but they suspect it. I think that's about all you need to know for now. Oh and this will of course be a Bensidy story. I promise I'll update my other multi-chap fic soon but I hit a little bit of writer's block and started on this one instead. I also have another one shot and another fluffy 2 or 3 shot I'm working on so hopefully I'll get them up soon too. As always I own no one. Read, review, and follow me on twitter (Dimonkey17) if you want.**

Olivia struggled repeatedly to open her eyes. She felt as though she was coming out of a deep fog. With all the effort she could muster, she tried one more time and finally opened her dark brown eyes. The view in front of her was not at all what she was expecting. The last thing she remembered was searching that vacant warehouse for a man suspected of raping his own sister. Now here she was in what she could only assume was a hospital room, based on the IV pumping fluids into her arm and the heart monitor quietly beeping above her head, surrounded by five worried looking people, three of whom she did not recognize.

She opened her mouth in an attempt to speak but quickly realized her mouth was too dry and no sound would come out. One of the two men she did recognize, her captain, rushed forward and offered her a cup of water. She took the straw in her lips and carefully took a few sips before trying to speak again. The cool water felt wonderful as it slipped down her dry, sore throat. She coughed a little as she set the cup back on the table causing looks of alarm to form on the faces of her audience. The one man she didn't know even took a hesitant step toward her in case she needed the Heimlich. He stopped himself when he realized she was fine and was giving him a strange look.

Olivia tried her voice again. "What happened?" she whispered hoarsely, directing her question to Cragen.

"Turns out your suspect wasn't alone. His partner snuck up behind you and hit you over the head with a steel pipe just as you were about to fire your gun," Cragen explained.

"Well that explains the massive headache. And this lump on the side of my head," she replied as she delicately ran her fingers through her long dark hair, getting caught in the blood encrusted tangles.

"Luckily back-up showed up just in time," Cragen continued, smiling at a blonde woman and a black man standing in the far corner of the room, "and they were able to apprehend both men before they escaped while Nick called EMS."

Olivia shot another puzzled look at the three strangers before asking her next question. "So how long was I out?" She was almost afraid of the answer but she had to know.

"Only a few hours, but long enough to have us all worried sick," Cragen responded. "They did a CT Scan when you got here but since none of us are next of kin they wouldn't give us any results."

"Yeah, we were lucky they even let us in to see you," Munch chuckled. "Good thing Amaro here has a way with the ladies."

"Oh come on, I had nothing to do with it. It was Fin and Rollins' scare tactics that got us in," the Hispanic man who had attempted to help her earlier when she choked said with a laugh.

Again Olivia wrinkled her eyebrows in confusion. Why were these virtual strangers in her room acting as though they had a vested interest in her recovery? She was just about to question their presence when Nick, who had been silently observing her expressions, spoke up.

"Are you feeling okay, Liv?"

"It's Detective Benson to you. And I will be when someone explains to me why you're all here," Olivia replied a bit more harshly than intended, pointing at Rollins, Fin, and Amaro.

Now it was the squad's turn to exchange puzzled looks. Nick slowly backed away from her bed with a hurt expression on his face. "Detective Benson?" he mouthed to Fin and Amanda.

Fin just shrugged, an equally hurt expression gracing his face. Amanda silently turned and picked up her jacket. "Maybe we should go guys," she said to the two men beside her.

Cragen took a step closer to Olivia's bed and put his hand on the arm rail. "Liv, they were all just worried about you. I'm sorry if we overwhelmed you, all being here at once but we weren't really sure how long it would be until you woke up."

"So you thought you'd just position the detectives waiting to take my statement at my bedside until I did, instead of giving me at least a day to recover. Well I have bad news for you all. I don't remember a thing about what happened so you've wasted your time."

"Olivia, what are you talking about?" Munch asked from the foot of her bed.

"Isn't that what they're here for? I don't know any of them so that must be it," Olivia replied, this time with a little less certainty.

A look that was a mix of relief and panic washed over the faces of the detectives huddled by the door.

"I think I'm gonna go see if I can find your doctor," Fin muttered before slipping out through the door.

"Wait for me," Amanda called as she ran down the hall after him.

"Am I missing something?" Olivia asked the three bewildered men standing in front of her. "And where are Cassidy and Elliot? Someone told them I'm in here, right?" A look of panic all of a sudden washed over her face. "Elliot wasn't hurt too, was he?"

"Um, no, no one else was hurt. Olivia, what year is it?" Cragen asked her.

_Okay I have definitely woken up in the twilight zone_, Olivia thought to herself. _There are complete strangers in my room; strangers who seem truly hurt that I don't want them here. And now my captain who I look up to and respect doesn't even know what year it is. Maybe I'm still unconscious and this is all a dream._ Olivia reached over with the hand not hindered by her IV and pinched the skin on her opposite forearm. _Nope, that hurt; definitely not a dream._

She looked back up into their expectant faces and realized they were waiting for her to answer the inane question. "It's 2012. What kind of a ridiculous question is that?"

"Well she got that one right," Munch said directing his words at the other men.

Frustrated, Olivia threw her hands up in the air. "What the hell is going on here? Somebody get me Brian. He'll tell me what you're all keeping from me." Her patience was wearing very thin and it wouldn't be much longer before she launched her call bell across the room at someone.

"Uh, I think I'll go try to track down Cassidy," Munch said before making his way to the door. He passed Olivia's doctor on his way out.

"Ms. Benson, I'm glad to see you're awake. We weren't really sure how long you'd be unconscious. My name is Dr. Close. I was the neurosurgeon on call when you came into the ED. Is it okay if I continue with your visitors here or would you prefer they wait in the hall while we discuss your condition?"

Olivia paused a moment, glancing quickly between all the men in the room before responding. "I think it would be best if you waited in the hall, Nick, was it?" she said to Amaro. She turned her attention to Cragen before continuing, "You can stay Captain. I'm still feeling a little fuzzy and it might be better to have a second set of ears in case Brian has questions when he gets here."

Nick contemplated protesting for a brief moment, but then thought better of it and turned and stormed out of the room, muttering something about who was this Brian she kept referring to.

"Okay doctor, you can continue," Olivia said after the door closed with a resounding thud.

"Well first I'd like to do a quick neurological test, just to make sure you don't have any unexpected deficits. Then I'll fill you in on the results of your tests."

"Whatever you say." Olivia was anxious to put this all behind her. She didn't like hospitals and she was ready to go home and just forget this day ever happened. Ready to curl up on her couch with Brian, some Thai food, and a cheesy 80's movie marathon.

The doctor quickly performed a Glasgow Coma Score test, which examined Olivia's eye opening, her best motor response, and her best verbal response. She was asked to do things like squeeze the doctor's hands and to press down on his hands with her feet as though she was pushing on the accelerator of a car, to make sure she didn't have one-sided weakness. He assessed her orientation by asking her questions like _"what is your name?", "where are you?", and "what year is it?"_. He also shone a bright light in her eyes to make sure her pupils were equal and reactive. When he had finished all his tests, he slipped his small flashlight into the breast pocket of his lab coat and stood along side Olivia's bedrail to talk to her.

"Okay, everything there seems normal," he began. "From your CT scan it looks as though you sustained a mild concussion. There was also some bleeding in the temporal lobe. Nothing that required surgery but we would like to keep an eye on it. We'll keep you overnight and do serial CT scans, one around 10:00 tonight and another at 7:00 tomorrow morning. If the bleed hasn't increased in size you'll be discharged tomorrow afternoon. Of course due to the concussion you may experience some headaches, dizziness, and difficulty concentrating over the next few weeks. If the headaches become severe or you develop any nausea, seizures, or extreme lethargy we'll need to see you back here immediately. It could be an indication that the bleed has gotten worse. You will also have a follow up appointment in 3 weeks and if that CT Scan comes back clean we'll clear you to return to work."

"Three weeks?" Olivia replied incredulously. "My squad can't survive without me that long. Tell him Captain." She gave Cragen a pleading look, silently begging him to back her up. She would go absolutely stir crazy sitting around doing nothing for that long.

"You heard the doctor Olivia," Cragen responded. "Besides I think a few weeks of rest will be good for you."

_What was that supposed to mean_, Olivia wondered to herself before continuing to argue with the doctor and her captain.

"But I feel fine. How about just desk duty then?" she tried. Olivia would rather face a firing squad than be put on desk duty, and Cragen knew it too, but she was getting desperate.

"Unfortunately your brain needs to rest completely, so doing any type of work that requires you to concentrate is absolutely out of the question," Dr. Close replied regretfully.

Olivia let out a defeated sigh. "Well do you have any more good news for me?" she asked in a sarcastic tone. She hadn't meant to be so short with the doctor; it wasn't his fault. She was just frustrated by everyone's odd behavior and now to top it off she was being told she wouldn't be able to do her job, a job that she had devoted her life to, for the next three weeks.

"I guess I should warn you that a nurse will be coming in once an hour for the next several hours to perform a small neuro exam on you, kind of like the one I just did, just to make sure there's no decline in your neurological status. So don't expect to get too much sleep," her doctor replied apologetically.

"That's okay. I'm not sure I'll be able to get much sleep with this pounding headache anyway," she said with a grimace.

"Well that is one thing I can help you with. I'll have the nurse bring you some Toradol to help with the pain. Because of your head injury we can't give you any narcotic pain medicine right now but Toradol is the next best thing."

"That sounds fine," Olivia mumbled. She was done with this conversation and indicated as much by turning slightly in her bed and staring vacantly out the window.

"Okay Olivia, I'll see you in the morning after your CT scan. If you think of any other questions for me, you can have your nurse page me. Take care."

Olivia just silently nodded in response, her back still turned to the man.

The doctor paused momentarily to jot some orders in Olivia's chart before he left. As he turned to head out of the room, Cragen started to follow him. "I'll be back in a minute Olivia," he called over his shoulder.

"Whatever. See if Munch has had any luck tracking down Brian while you're gone," she replied, heaving another frustrated sigh as the door lightly closed behind the men.

Once they were in the hall, Cragen quickened his pace to catch up with the doctor who was swiftly making his way down the hallway of the ICU.

"Um, Doctor. Could I have a moment of your time?" Cragen began.

"Sure. What can I do for you?" Dr. Close replied, stopping at the nurse's station to place Olivia's chart back in its slot on the rack.

"Is it possible that Detective Benson's head injury could have caused some memory loss?"

"Of course. Retrograde amnesia is always a possibility any time a patient sustains a traumatic brain injury, like Ms. Benson did. Has she given you the impression that she's having trouble remembering things? She didn't mention anything about it when I was questioning her," the doctor responded.

"That's because I don't think she knows there's anything wrong. For instance, she doesn't recognize her own squad members, one of whom she's worked with for the past 12 years. And she keeps referring to a former SVU detective, one that she hasn't seen in close to 13 years, as though they still keep in contact and are close friends. But the funny thing is she does know that it's 2012. So what's going on?"

"Unfortunately that's the trouble with retrograde amnesia. No one's exactly sure how the brain decides which memories are maintained and which ones are hopefully only temporarily deleted. I will tell you that historic information, such as the date and who the president is, is generally not affected. It's more likely the recent personal details of her life that will be forgotten. While her childhood memories may be intact, if she has any relationships-friends, boyfriends, colleagues-that have developed in the past several years she may have no recollection of them."

Cragen ran his hand over his bald head, taking a moment to let the doctor's words settle in. When he finally responded his voice sounded drained, even to himself. "So how are you going to fix it? She's my best detective. And to be honest, she's kind of like a daughter to me too and it's killing me to see her like this."

The doctor gave him an apologetic smile before continuing, "The bad news is, there is no quick way to bring her memories back. There aren't any medications I can give her to jog her memory. They don't just come back as the bleed clears up in her brain. And even telling her stories of things she should remember is unlikely to do any good. They just have to come back on their own. Sometimes that takes a few days; sometimes it can be more like weeks."

"But they will come back, right? You said _hopefully_ they were temporarily deleted," Cragen reminded the man.

Dr. Close paused briefly before answering Cragen's question. "In all likelihood, yes they will return. But I have to be completely honest with you and tell you sometimes they never come back. Best advice I can offer is to just be patient with her. Support her. Don't push her to remember and don't question her altered reality; in the end you could do more damage than good by pushing her too hard. The constant pressure to remember the past often just causes amnesia patients to regress even farther. And honestly you never know what could be the trigger she needs for all her memories to come flooding back, so just indulge her fantasies no matter how ridiculous, and if we're lucky this will resolve in a few days. I'm sorry I couldn't give you better news."

Cragen thanked the doctor and shook his hand before heading off in the direction he had seen his squad go. He couldn't face Olivia just yet. And besides he had told her he would see if Munch had found Brian yet. He shook his head slightly at the thought.

Brian Cassidy. There was a name from the past. Was Brian even with the NYPD anymore? For a while after he left SVU Cragen had kept tabs on him, interested in what the younger man was up to. He had known back then that Brian was a great detective with a lot of potential. He just wasn't cut out for SVU; not everyone was. But in the past few years he hadn't heard anything about him and he was beginning to wonder if he had put in his papers or perhaps just transferred out of the city.

When he reached the waiting room at the end of the hallway, he found Fin and Rollins sitting on a plastic couch pretending to pay attention to the evening news, occasionally engaging in mindless chatter.

"So now who is this Brian guy again?" Amanda asked her partner.

"I never actually met him myself. He was Munch's partner before me. Left right before I got to SVU. Rumor has it he and Liv were involved for a little but she broke it off, essentially breaking his heart, and he transferred out soon after. She never talks about him anymore though. Well, until today," Fin responded.

Munch stood not far from them, in the corner of the room with his phone up to his ear. He seemed to be arguing heatedly with whoever was on the other end of the line, presumably someone with information on Brian's whereabouts. Nick, however, was nowhere to be seen.

That was because as soon as Nick had seen Cragen and the doctor leave Olivia's room he had snuck back in, determined to get answers.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Ok here's the next chapter. It's a little shorter than usual but I felt like it was at a good stopping point. It's basically a filler chapter, but don't worry Brian will show up soon; if not next chapter, at least by chapter 4. I felt I needed to deal w/ Olivia's interactions with her squad a little more before I brought him in. And what she does and doesn't remember will be revealed as I go. I own no one but the hospital staff. You can leave reviews here or on my Twitter Dimonkey17. Thanks :) **

Olivia was still facing the window when she heard the door to her room open again. Assuming it was Cragen returning, without turning to face the doorway Olivia asked, "So did you find Brian? Is he on his way?"

"Okay Olivia it's just you and me now. You can cut the act," Nick answered his partner as he made his way across the room, coming to a stop at the foot of her bed.

Olivia turned abruptly, startled by both the unfamiliar voice and the harsh words directed at her. A slight look of fear graced her beautiful features, a fact that did not go unnoticed by Nick.

"Seriously, Liv. What's going on here?" He softened his tone slightly in response to her reaction. He took another step forward, reaching out in an attempt to grab her hand.

"Do NOT touch me," Olivia growled at him as she picked up the call bell from its place on the bed. Her finger hovered over the red nurse button daring him to make another move toward her. The heart monitor above Olivia's head began to beep angrily signaling to Nick just how worked up he was making her.

"Okay, okay," Nick conceded, taking a couple steps back, his hands in the air. "At least answer this. Do you want me to call David and let him know you're in here? I figured you wouldn't want me to ask in front of Cragen."

The look on Olivia's face, a mix of fear and anger, slowly morphed into one of confusion. "Who is David?" she asked hesitantly.

Nick squinted at Olivia as he ran his hand thoughtfully over his chin, trying to gauge what kind of a game she was playing. He knew he wasn't supposed to know about her involvement with David Haden. Was that why she was keeping up this charade? He decided to proceed slowly and see if he could gain her trust and in turn draw some information out of her.

"David Haden. The new ADA. He's worked a couple of cases with SVU over the past month."

"I'm sorry. Come again. You think I need to speak to an attorney? Just what do you people think happened in that warehouse? We were just there to apprehend a suspect. Nothing out of the ordinary. And I really don't remember much of it anyway, due to this stupid head injury. You'd be better off talking to my partner. He'll have more information for you." Olivia nervously fidgeted with her hospital bracelet as she spoke, purposely avoiding eye contact with the imposing stranger. She was already on a roller coaster of emotions since waking up less than an hour ago, and the way he was looking at her was doing nothing to ease her fear and confusion.

Nick could not believe the irony of what he was hearing. He was her partner. What was she talking about? Forget subtlety. "No. I thought you'd want the man you've been secretly seeing to know that you're okay. But just forget it; you clearly aren't interested in my help." He heaved an exasperated sigh and turned to head toward the door. His hand was on the doorknob when a metal emesis basin soared past his head and hit the wall with a resounding thud before clattering to the ground.

"Excuse me," Olivia snarled at Nick's retreating form. "How dare you accuse me of cheating on my fiancé? Just who do you think you are?"

Nick whirled around to face her, fists clenched at his side. "Who do I think I am?" he shouted back. "I'm your partner that's who. And I was trying to look out for you, just like I did in that warehouse. But forget it. Apparently you've been keeping a truckload of secrets from me for the past six months. Either that or you want us to think you've gone completely crazy to cover your mistake out there, pretending like you don't even know me; telling stories about a fake fiancé. So you're on your own now."

"Good. Nobody asked for your help. I don't know you. I've never even seen you before today. And for the record Elliot is my partner so you can stop pretending you are. Now get out of my room before I call the nurse and have you escorted out. And send the captain back in here. I need to know if they've found Brian, my real fiancé, yet." She emphasized the word "real" as she ended her tirade.

Nick gave her one final incredulous look before storming out through the door, not even bothering to pull it shut behind him.

When Nick was finally out of sight, Olivia slouched down in her bed, pulling the thin covers up to just below her chin. She could feel tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Why was everyone acting like they'd lost their minds? And where was that nurse with her medicine? The headache that had started out as a dull ache had graduated to an excruciating pounding after her altercation with Nick. The beeping from that stupid cardiac monitor was not helping either. At least it seemed to have slowed down a little since Nick left.

She was just about to press the call button when a short blond haired woman in pink and brown scrubs came walking through the door. She had in her hand a syringe, which Olivia hoped contained the desired pain medication.

"Hi Olivia," the blond woman said with a genuine smile. "My name is Ally and I'll be your nurse until 11:00 tonight. I have the pain medicine that Dr. Close ordered for you."

"Thank God." Olivia tried to smile back at the woman but just the slight movement of her facial muscles intensified her pain, causing her to flinch.

Ally, sensing Olivia's discomfort, quickly administered the Toradol through her IV, before jotting down her vital signs and performing a rapid head to toe assessment.

"I'm going to let you get some rest," Ally told Olivia. "I'll be back in about an hour for your next neuro assessment. If the pain medicine doesn't work or you need me for anything else before that, just press your call button."

Olivia nodded her understanding before closing her eyes and attempting to get some sleep. Maybe when she woke up Brian would be here and this episode of the Twilight Zone would be over.

* * *

Down the hall Nick had stalked back into the waiting room, anger boiling in his veins. He pushed past Cragen and threw himself down on a hard plastic couch across from where Rollins and Fin sat.

"I'm guessing you didn't have any luck," Amanda said with a chuckle.

"You think this is funny?" Nick glared across the small room at the blonde detective.

"Hey, don't take your anger out on Amanda," Fin jumped to his partner's defense. "We're all upset and lashing out at each other isn't gonna help Liv."

"Fin's right," Cragen said, inserting himself into their conversation.

Just then Munch hung up the phone and made his way over to the group. "Well I have good news and I have bad news."

"Give us the good news first, John. I'm not sure how much more bad news we can take," Cragen responded, a grim expression gracing his face. He had just finished filling Fin and Amanda in on what he had learned from the doctor, before Nick burst back into the room.

"So the good news is I've located someone who knows where Cassidy is," Munch started.

"Okay, so is he able to come here and see Olivia? Because she's been pretty adamant that she needs to see him," Cragen pressed.

"Well…that's where the bad news comes in," Munch continued as he took a seat on the couch next to Nick.

"Let me guess. He has his own life and wants nothing to do with some woman he hasn't seen in almost 13 years," Fin chimed in.

Munch leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, nervously drumming his fingers together. "It's actually a lot more complicated than that." He looked around at his four squad mates' puzzled expressions for a moment before he continued. "Turns out Cassidy's working UC these days. He's been under for almost three years and they're worried that they'll compromise the integrity of his investigation if they try to contact him. The woman I talked to was very vague with the details and she wouldn't even tell me who Brian's working for. So it looks like we've hit a dead end."

"Well I'm not giving up that easily. Let me call 1-P-P and see what I can find out. I really think we need to get Brian here as soon as possible. As I was explaining to Fin and Rollins, the doctor said Olivia is in a fragile state right now. We can't push her to remember and we need to accept what she tells us as if it is the truth. If we fight with her about what's real and what isn't we risk doing irreparable damage to her memory," Cragen told the group.

"If there's even anything wrong with her memory," Nick mumbled quietly under his breath. Not quietly enough that the others didn't hear him though.

"Are you kidding me right now?" Amanda asked Nick, her anger bringing the southern twang out in her voice.

"Come on, I can't be the only one that's thinking it?" As he looked around at the glares and scowls he was getting from the rest of the squad he realized maybe he was alone in his thoughts.

"Let me get this straight," Fin replied. "You think Liv's faking this amnesia. For what, pity? A few days off? A joke? Do you know Olivia Benson at all?"

"I thought I did," Nick said with a scoff. "But people can fool you. They lead this whole other life outside of work that you know nothing about. Maybe she's embarrassed she went in without backup and got herself hurt so now she's trying to play the mistake off by gaining our sympathy with fake amnesia."

"Do you even hear yourself? This is your partner you're talking about. You sound absolutely ridiculous," Amanda fired back at Nick, edging forward in her seat as she spoke. Fin gently put a hand on her upper arm in an effort to restrain the feisty blonde.

"Do I?"

"Yeah you do Nick," Cragen jumped in, hoping to deescalate the growing tension in the room. "Listen, Olivia needs us all to be on the same side if she's going to recover. If you can't do that Nick, I suggest you go home and stay there until you've got your head on straight."

Nick took one more glance around the room at all the angry faces trained on him before he answered. "Fine by me. But don't say I didn't warn you." With that, Nick stood up and stormed out the door, kicking an end table full of magazines as he went, sending them in a landslide to the floor. He reached the elevator at the end of the hallway just as the door was opening and David Haden was stepping off.

_Well, well, well. Things are about to get good, _Nick thought with a smile, as he pushed the button for the lobby. If only he could stick around to see the action.


End file.
